holding my hands out: (2008​-​2016)

by ian craig

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this, this album you hold in your hands, is a mix of songs that i have written over the past eight years. as time has moved, it becomes apparent to me that recording under my own name is not something i want to do anymore; most of the music found here on this lovely site known as "band camp dot com" is not reflective of the person that i am today. blah blah blah says you, the consumer. i get it. moving forward with new material will be under a new name and a new direction, etc.

i am very proud of the selections contained here, which are the most listened to 16 songs from the past eight years according to stat-checker thingy on bandcamp here. i sequenced them and re-listened to them for, well, the first time in a long time for most of them. if you click on individual tracks, you can see the lyrics and my comments on the song. i tried to be as honest as possible about the meanings/origins because i felt a need to do so. so here we are. thank you so much for listening, for caring, and for being there. there are 500,000+ bands in the world, easily, and yet you choose to listen to mine. love to and for you all.

1. forward movement (2010)
2. blind (2009)
3. now that the seasons have changed (2010)
4. accelerator, pt. 2 (2014)
5. sulfuric splendor (2013)
6. infinite descent (2010)
7. monotonicity (2011)
8. folderol, folderol, folderol! (2015)

9. your eclipse / you are eclipse (2012)
10. cigarette (2011)
11. i am holding my hands out (2012)
12. where i've begun and you cannot end (2008/2011)
13. accelerator, pt. 1 (2014)
14. what are we all when we all are? (2008/2010)
15. down (demo version) (2006/2008)
16. there's a place for us (2012)


released July 20, 2016

ian craig - music, lyrics, performances, recording



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ian craig Columbus

piano, bass, drums + percussion, guitars, banjo, mandolin, ukelele, melodica, vocals, lyrics, all recording

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Track Name: forward movement
forgive me for asking
but why did you change?
i am the constant static of every channel you never receive

and forgive me for asking
but where did your beauty go?
you were the beautiful conductor of the orchestra in my life

the world has already changed
and now i'm just waiting on you

i forgave you for saying that i'd become so cold
it's just so much easier to miss someone before you really know them
Track Name: blind
and when i opened my eyes
i saw light for the first time
my hands, measuring tape
my spine, weakened
my feet, afraid

and i never cried like i did the day i touched your face
and felt your imperfections
like craters, like sandpaper
measure, interval, distance, and time!

i felt your chin limply
i smelled your hair
and i heard your muffled cry
and i was ready
oh, death, i am ready

you showed me my face
oh, a velveteen touch and a failed embrace
and i felt your beauty
like porcelain
like water
like algebra

and i was ready to love
i am ready!
i just need to be loved!
Track Name: now that the seasons have changed
and i will love you now that the seasons have changed
through worldviews of matrionial range
we are slipping
slipping down the aisle

and i will haunt you now that the seasons have changed
by pristine logic and no emotional rage
this is happiness
don't dare to tell me you aren't

we are the ocean
swallow up the shifting sand
we are drifting, left for lost
and i am diving
hanging on a thin white thread
and i am drowning in you

and i will kiss you now that the seasons have changed
where all desire must be re-arranged
this is love
yeah, my lungs are filled with you
Track Name: accelerator, pt. 2
you are a book of matches
and i'm your accelerator, yeah
you think that striking yourself
isn't going to give me that spark
but those tears do nothing but turn me on, baby
the way your sides flare out
give me nothing but motive
finger moving down your face
angular, but with purpose
which side are you going to be on when that day comes?
i've got you in a come-hither motion
locked by the hands in your hair
you are an immobile kite
trapped in the tree of my desire
and i'm dousing you
so that when you strike again
there's nothing available to burn
Track Name: sulfuric splendor
i've been waiting here
for what feels like my life
for the road to ruin
to swing wide its beautiful gates
and hurl me down in sulfuric splendor
or for that enormous lion to roar
ride that horse and grab hold of its pestilent mane
i've got the locust by the hand
and i'm laughing the whole way down
swinging my broad sword
decapitating the firstborns
how's that frog in your throat?
tracing your outline with my tongue
like your body is coated in honey
and i'm dying to have an aneurysm
the rivers turn to blood
and i'm here holding you
waiting to be hurled down in sulfuric splendor
Track Name: infinite descent
shattering everything self-sustaining

i've got poison numbers
and a sackcloth heart
and i'm rounding down a ceiling-step
and avoiding direct eye-contact

i've got poison numbers
from an ash-ridden mind
and i'm proving everything in plain sight
not avoiding complete transparency

i'm shattering everything self-sustaining
and wanting that which i cannot obtain

i've got poison numbers
and a void in my soul
and i'm sequencing all that is real
not avoiding uncoverable lies
Track Name: monotonicity
it's been three weeks
since i packed my life into
small boxes with valuables
and small boxes marked fragile
like my heart, my heart, my heart

and you've sung so many melodies
and they dive right into me
like a songbird's plight over sinking seas
where you found me, the sturdiest branch on the tree

when my days are all passed by
and when my brain decides to move on
the world may be a delusional mess
but you'll be a perfect mistake
i won't let them in on what we make

it's been three years
since i've packed up my life
into some false sense of security
where never strives to be
your light in my life, where i'm set free
Track Name: folderol, folderol, folderol!
folderol, folderol, folderol
take it all, take it all, take it all
these arms are ready to hold you
i'm a talented motherfucker
and you are spitting on my grave
when you look at me like that
say my name, baby
i can feel you buck against my chest
cracked spine echoing in solitude
"save yourself" is what you say
"lie to yourself" is what you mean
are you indoctrinated in mind?
put that mouth on me
let me taste that sweat
feel my stubble hit your skin
pretend i'm an illegal alien
and you are quartering me, baby
pretend i'm dr. frankenstein
kiss that bolt of lightening right through me, girl
Track Name: your eclipse / you are eclipse
do i have to say
every single word to your ear?
you loot my grave
my mouth cracks
i'll say no
i can be that person
don't beg me
don't say please
don't make it about you and me
i look in the mirror
reminded of the time in the gas station
i thought my heart was calm
fucking just to feel
when i see your picture
i forgot everything of who i am
your eclipse
close the window
hold the breeze inside
when i see you holding his hand
you're an eclipse
Track Name: cigarette
take a break
live life apathetically
you already work too hard
find solace in a parliament
so full of flavor
enjoy life's toxicity
and turn a blind eye to care
your smokey hands will wipe the sweat from your eye
and light up the night
through a filtered beacon so tight

you say you're addicted;
and i think you're just indifferent
so lie to the people who care genuine
fail to uncover your spot so blind

fill anxiety take reigns
as every artery clamps down
drive above the speed limit
let the hazy mind run free
stand in direct defiance
as serotonin levels fall
and turn a blind eye to care
use smokey hands to draw the blood to your brain
and light up the night
with culture's hook-and-sinker delight

you say you're addicted;
and i think you're just indifferent
so lie to the people who care genuine
and say it's not already conditioned

you kill yourself with every drag

and i know you missed me, because i'm not just like them. yeah; i was just like them.
Track Name: i am holding my hands out
our young hearts are already dead
ancient and decaying
we will not know what it is to lay down
without these young hearts

i'm scared of being swallowed by the ground
is it a lack of fear of celestial bodies
and undeniable shaking?

i'm holding my hands out
to a rebellious reflection
this is not me
my young heart has already died

i'm holding hands out
back to the scene of the crime
i will lay down with thieves
and be handcuffed by you
i will be dripping wet
try to hold me
make the shaking end

i'm holding my hands out
i am drawing them back in
Track Name: where i've begun and you cannot end
this line is drawn
and it's tempting me to cross right over
your pull is strong
and i've lost myself to get lost in you
a velvet touch
throwing down my compartization
and i'vm crying now
rain on window
tear on bedsheet

i'm collapsing quickly
how picaresque this falling action!
lead me down the oregon trail
they've got it right

my hands are burnt
an oven heart and veins of fire
reduced to sweat
changing from your post-coital release
my hands fight back
tear my skin and get me off this world
my mind is numb
Track Name: accelerator, pt. 1
sometimes you wake up
and pine for that reverie
other times you sip from a cup
and sink a bullet into that dream

there's no love lost there
there's a house in desperate need of repair

so much for american ideals
built on the blood of innocent men
bring me one last meal
i will have nothing left to defend

and stain my blood
on your privileged hands
dry my bones
wear them as jewelry
you're as charming as smallpox
wiping out the native man
you're a derelict love song
crafted in royalty
Track Name: what are we all when we all are?
your fingers traced my spine
slowly moving from side to side
prickling goosebumps
hairline proficiency

and i was hot
but i wrapped myself in blankets

clinging on like newspaper static
you were made for these times
shutters drawn
greenhouse effect

and i was hot
but you wrapped me up in blankets
Track Name: down (demo version)
this always was your favorite;
the large picket fence on the horizon
it constantly reminds me of the searching
for someone i somehow, somewhere, lost

i formally bragged about my hazel eyes.
i now cover them in contact blue.
your fire burns the canvas of autumn's skies...
leaving a desolate summer behind in untruth

i find myself pining for the day...
when the sun doesn't shine
we bundle ourselves up inside
the smell of grass in spring
uncovers lust for nothing

...and it's just you...and it's just me...
...and it's just you...and it's just me...

i heard they are tearing down the fence
...and all i feel is cold now in this city
headlines read, "merely a commercial expense"
finally found your excuse to leave me

...and it's just me...
...and it's just me...
Track Name: there's a place for us
there's a place for us
cinder block and cedar foam
treat it like the new wave
treat it like the black star
treat me like the time you would never spare
give me the time of day with null flare
wash my hands from the new sin
same as the old sin: skin-to-skin
tolerate the lowest of lows
ring the risk of the palm-rich high
grind and race to meet the goals
adjusting the outward
while glossing the inward
is like a achieving perfection
by taking a fixed stare
through a busted compact
with a cracked mirror
there's a place for us...